Failure, Success and being a Warrior

Do you find failure to be a scary word? A lot of people are terrified of failure, and I think this fear is unrational and prevents a lot of people from reaching the levels of success that they are capable of. In this quick post I hope to explain why the fear of failure is holding our society back, talk about some techniques to overcome this fear and talk about why in my experiences being a Martial Arts Black Belt I have found that learning the warrior mind set has helped me achieve my goals.

 

A quick Google search of failure will give us this definition: Failure is the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, and may be viewed as the opposite of success. Why is that so scary to most people; we are scared of a "state or condition." Nowhere in that definition is there anything about this state being permanent, and as we know from our everyday life states and conditions are temporary. The only way failure becomes permanent is if we give up, so I think giving up is what we should be afraid of, not failure!

The next part I liked about the Google definition of failure is the fact that failure may be viewed as the opposite of success. Failure is the opposite of success,  just like hot is the opposite of cold, or night is the opposite of day. This is the Yin and Yang of life,  failure and success are counterparts, and one could not exist without the other. I like this so much because that means that within success there is failure, and within failure there is everything you need for success. Ask any successful person what they think about failure and I am willing to bet they will tell you that they are successful because of what they learned from failing. Successful people have a different perception of failure, and it is this difference that separates successful people from others. The greatest thing about this is that YOU are in charge of your own perceptions; you can control them!  There is nothing inherently bad about failure, it is only bad if you make it that way by giving up or letting the fear of it control your life.

This brings me to how you can overcome your fear of failure. You need to make a shift in how you think about failure, and life as a whole. There is a massive change that needs to take place in the way to think and how you react to the things that happen to you on a day to day basis. The change in the way we think needs to be from that of an unsuccessful person to that of the successful person. The biggest shift that needs to happen is in our perception of the things that go on around us. Of course our perceptions having to do with success and failure, but also with smaller things as well. An example of this is how you react to the small negative things that happen in your life. If it is raining and dreary outside are you sad, or do you think about the positive things that rain can bring like growth and health in nature. A few ways to change your perception and attitude towards things is to be more grateful, loving, respectful and helpful. If you cultivate these attitudes on a daily basis you'll be able to change your mind to that of a successful person. When this change occurs, you no longer fear failure because your perception of it will be different. You will realize that failure is an opportunity to learn and you become better from it and this will help you reach success.

This brings me to the warrior mindset. In the days of old, warriors lived and died by the state of their mind. If they went into battle assuming they're already lost, of course their thought would become a reality. It is because of this that they developed a spirit that was indomitable.  Nothing could defeat them, and it is this mindset that strengthened their spirit and will to always move forward in the direction of success. I understand that the majority of you reading this are probably not going to be heading into battle. But this does not mean that you cannot develop the warrior mindset. Me being a martial artist, the warrior mindset is something that we cultivate and develop on a daily basis, it is this mindset that will not allow a failure to prevent me from becoming successful in whatever I wish to do. It is all the failures that have made me who I am.  Sure they suck at the time but using the warrior mindset I move forward past any failure and I'm better off for it.

If you set the bar low because you are afraid to fail, you may be able to prevent yourself from failing but you will never reach a success that you are truly capable of.  If you want to reach your greatest potential you must continue to raise the bar until you fail.  Then try again, and again until you make it.  See, the biggest thing that you as a warrior understands is that the difference in success and failure is you.  Failure (and success) is just a state or condition that you are experiencing, so if you can control your perception (meaning if you can control your mind and emotions) then you determine if you will have failure or success.

 

RJ LoPresti
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The very wonderfu HapKiDo history I have been lucky enough to enjoy

I started Martial Arts training at the age of 6, and it has been one of the most positive influences I have had in my life.  I am very lucky having had the opportunity to learn from some of the most amazing people not only in the Martial Arts world, but the teachers I have are world famous for so much more!

When I started Martial Arts as a kid, the only reason I had for wanting to do it was so I could be like a Power Ranger, but soon after I began training it became so much more to me.  It was an outlet for energy, a place to make quality friends that were positive influences, and a place where I could learn and develop into a constructive member of society.  HapKiDo quickly turned from a hobby that I did twice a week into a lifestyle that I practiced every second of every day.  I went from being someone who did Martial Arts into a Martial Artist, and once this happened I took off on the awesome and exciting journey of living a Black Belt life and haven't looked back since.  

Grandmaster Choe has taught me so much that it would be very difficult to express the depth of the knowledge that he has passed on to his students in this short blog.  Since I have started learning from Grandmaster Choe I have attended a yearly seminar taught by Grandmaster where I have been fortunate enough to learn areas of the Martial Arts that is only available to a select few people in the world.  The detail, precision and effectiveness of the techniques I have learned is mind blowing!  The physical techniques I learned at all of these events have been fun and developed me into a true Black Belt.  Also, Grandmaster Choe is the world's leading SaSang Acupuncture expert, and the knowledge on this topic that his students learn make what we do complete by not only learning the self defense of HapKiDo, but also how to live a healthier and happier life.  As a student of Chung Mu HapKiDo I am not only learning the awesome and effective martial art of HapKiDo, I am a complete Martial Artist who knows how to live a happier more fulfilled life and share this knowledge with others. 

I feel very fortunate to have the privilege to learn from a TRUE martial arts Grandmaster.  Most of the time when I read about a Master in the Martial Arts they have mastered one area of a Martial Art.  Grandmaster Choe has mastered a wide variety of areas and he is passing all of that information along to the instructors of his schools!

I am constantly grateful to be a part of an origination that is lead by such a knowledgeable individual who is so willing to share!  Any student who is lucky enough to learn at a school under the tutelage of Grandmaster Choe is very lucky indeed!




RJ LoPresti
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Respect: The act of giving particular attention

At the HapKiDo School we have a definition for respect that I like a lot.  Our definition of Respect: The act of giving particular attention.  All of our students, children and adults, learn this definition at White Belt.  Respect is a hugely important aspect of a good life, and I like this definition because it is so broadly applicable.  We can give particular attention to thoughts and feelings, events and experiences, anything and anyone.  If we show this type of respect to all aspects of our lives and every experience we have then our lives and the lives of those around us will be greatly improved.

If we are mindful to give particular attention and stay present focused at all times and in all interactions then we will be able to provide a significant opportunity to grow as a collective humanity.  The key to this is to be mindful of the action, and to take the time and effort to give the proper attention to match the situation.  On a regular basis I see people doing things that are considered "respectful' without any particular attention.  At a baseball game for example, when the National Anthem is sung people stand up, take off their hats and put their hands over their hearts.  Those are all respectful actions, but how many of those people do you think give the proper attention to what is actually going on right at that moment?  I would like to think that everyone who would take the effort to stand and put their hands over their hearts are giving particular attention to what they are respecting, but then why do so many people talk and do other things like use their cell phones?  The empty action of respect has become a habit, the action is there but there is no particular attention; people aren't mindful.  If you want to be respectful you must be mindful, otherwise your actions of respect may be empty....and useless.

Respect can be classified into three main directions: Respect to others, Respect to objects, and Respect to Self.  These three work together to create harmony in our day to day life.  Respect to others can be as simple as paying attention to them enough to make sure that you don't bump into them on the street.  It also includes things such as paying attention to how your actions play a part in others lives; is what you are doing contributing or taking away from the quality of their lives?  This is an important thought to anyone who is trying to contribute to the world with their lives.  Respect to objects is also hugely important.  If you didn't give the attention to the objects that you use on a daily basis then life as we know it would be completely different.  Respect to self includes many things such as caring for your emotional and physical health, putting attention into your appearance, and wanting and striving towards success for yourself.  When you have respect for yourself then you will be able to respect others, and you will be able to go far in life!

All of the above examples are just a couple of my quick thoughts into the classifications of respect.  I am sure with a quick Google search you could find books upon books on each of these areas.  The ones I mentioned above are easy things to give attention to, and if you don't show these basic respects in your own life then try doing it for a while, you wont be disappointing!  It is my feeling that people typically think of respect as some extra action that is needed in order to give reverence to something, but to me actions of reverence are more etiquette than respect, and it doesn't become respectful until you give it that special attention, mindfulness.  


RJ LoPresti
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Happiness vs. Contentment

I had a discussion with one of my students recently about happiness.  We were talking about different cultures around the world, and we discussed that in all of the areas of the world where the average life expectancy was higher than most other place the people seemed to be over all happier.  We talked about this for a while to try and find out what common threads there were between the people that lived for a long time.  There were some dietary commonalities, but something that was similar in all of the people is that they were active with working to help their families and communities.  The men and women in these areas had a very strong since of belonging and family that kept them working.  I am not talking about working as in a job, but working as in taking care of children, gardening and other activities that promote the common well-being.  After some contemplation I think we discovered what it was that made these people live so long.........

At first the thought came up that these people were just happy, and that got us talking about how many Americans are not happy.  We are so focused on results and goal achievement that we do not do the things that lead to happiness.  This strikes me as odd because I consider myself a pretty happy person, but I tend to focus more on results and goal achievement than on things that are supposed to make us "happy."  The student I was talking with told me he was the same way.  After some more thought we decided that it was not happiness that people need to live long, but it was contentment, or fulfillment.  In all of the areas that people usually lived a lot longer, the people had a strong sense of purpose that keep them active and working towards the well being of people that were important to them.  This fit perfectly along with how I felt, and I have felt this way for a long time but putting it into words when I discussed it with my student was refreshing.

What we realized is that we don't need happiness to be "happy."  We need to feel contentment and fulfillment from what we do; we need to have a sense of purpose.  Too many Americans it seems are working really hard to reach happiness, but the activities that they do on a daily basis to get there do not provide contentment.  I don't think that working 15 hour days makes anyone "happy" but if your work gives you a sense of purpose that leaves you content with the work you have done, then it doesn't matter that we are not happy, because we have something better than happiness; we are fulfilled.  The trick to it then is to find what it is that will give you this feeling.  From my personal experience and from what I have seen from observing others that seem "happy," the kind of life that does this is one filled with passion for what you do, and in every instance I can recall it involves helping others as much as if not more than yourself.  If you can derive fulfillment and happiness from others being fulfilled and happy then it matters very little how "happy" you are by the common standards because you can create happiness for yourself any time by helping others.

“I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.”

--Dalai Lama 


RJ LoPresti
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Problems....And why we should be glad to have them

I recently re-listened to "Live with Passion" by Tony Robbins (a must listen for anyone who is ready to commit to having a life of a higher quality by the way) One of the topics that he covers is his interpretation of problems.  If you look at problems as a negative, then that is exactly what they will be.  We must take that "problem" and instead turn it into a challenge that provides us the chance to grow and become better humans.

A problem is a chance for us to see an area in our lives that we need to improve on.  If we look at it this way and put a disciplined effort into improving the situation we will become better and be able to prevent the problem from arising again, but if we get so caught up on the problem that we don't look for a solution then we will be stuck.  It is all about changing the meaning that you give to the situation, if you have a positive mental state and ask the right kind of questions to yourself you will be amazed with the results.  

A problem is just an adversity that is in the way of you accomplishing something.  To overcome this adversity we usually must go out of our comfort zone, and this creates uncertainty and fear.  This uncertainty and fear is the reason why problems are so difficult for people to handle.  All it takes to overcome this adversity is to have the courage to act in spite of the opposition.  This action that is out of your normal comfort zone is scary and difficult for most people, but when you go outside of your personal comfort zone, that zone actually expands and things that were at one point problems for you will now be simple for you to handle.

The courage to act in times of uncertainty and fear comes from having certainty.  It seems like common sense that if you are uncertain, becoming more certain will make you feel better.  The difficulty here is that sometimes there is no way to become more certain about the specific thing that you are uncertain about at that time.  When this is the case then the certainty has to come from you being certain in your purpose.  If you are certain with yourself, and strong with the faith in your purpose you will be able to generate the courage you need internally.  When you have certainty that originates internally then it is yours, you can use it at will, and it can be the most useful tool in overcome life's challenges. 

"The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problem."  
-Mohandas Gandhi 

RJ LoPresti
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Understanding Goals to Maximize Results and Success

Over the past few weeks I have spent a lot of time thinking about goals; what they are and how they play a role in our lives.  At an early age we are taught that setting a goal is the way to accomplish things, but too often we are not actually actively moving towards that goal.  When we are younger in school it is easy to stay on track with our goals because we have regular assignments and tests, and in the workplace there are goals that the company has such as quarterly earnings and sales.  Are these really the goals that make up our lives though?

I am sure that if you ask a group of average adult what their goals are that the majority of them will be able to tell you something that is important to them.  My next question to them would then be "what are you doing to accomplish your goals?"  This is something I feel that people do not think about enough.  We all must be careful that when we decide what we need to accomplish a goal, we do not just blindly trudge forward.  Goals are dynamic, constantly changing, and the outside conditions change on a daily basis.  On our journey to reach our goals we will have to change our game-plan, redirect our angle of attack, maybe even adjust our goals.

Imagine it is your goal to go to Disney World.  If you just look at a map and decide to drive south you may have a hard time.  You are going to have to plan a specific route, but if you just set cruise control and drive you will not make it.  When you are driving you need to watch out for other cars and objects that get in your way.  It is important to stay mindful of how much gas you have, you need to check the tire pressure, and there may be road closures that force you to completely change your route.  It is the same for our goals in life.  If we decide that to accomplish our goals we need to do A, B, and C then blindly strive towards those without paying attention to what is going on around us, we may get to the end our lives and decide that A, B, and C were right at the beginning, but then X, Y, and Z needed to be done.  Life is too short to waste time and energy on futile efforts, so it is important to strive towards your goals in a constructive way and constantly work on areas of your life that improve your ability to accomplish your goals.

Spend some time to decide what your goals are, then decide what you need to do to get to those goals, and on a regular basis think about what you are doing to accomplish your goals and decide if those areas are still what you should be doing.

 "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
        -Jimmy Dean

RJ LoPresti
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The Difficulty of the Simple

Too many times these days I hear people tell me that "Life is difficult."  On a daily basis the "difficulties of life" come up in conversation, and we all gripe about how difficult our world is.  Just like everyone else, I find myself thinking these thoughts, but in reality it is not life that is difficult at all, it is only our minds that make it that way.  The way we think about things, perceive things, react to things; these are what make life complicated.  So if you think of life as difficult, then it is.  Of course life isn't always easy, things happen that are not favorable, and there is pain and suffering, but that is life; when we realize this life simplifies significantly.  When we go to the gym to exercise we are sore the next day, but this does not make us sad or upset it actually makes us happy because we know that the result of being sore is what we want.  So why is it that when we exercise life and are left a little "sore" we get so upset?  The "difficulties" and suffering are to be expected in life, so why let that affect your mental state?  When suffering arises just smile at it and keep moving; the result from that action will be a lot less "difficult" than getting upset at your current situation.  The wonderful thing about life is that a moment happens, than it is past.  This means that if you become upset, you can change that in an instant!  Your mental state is just a reflection of how YOU react to various stimuli.  Decide to be happy, each and every day, and enjoy the results.  Find happiness in the difficulties of life!!!

"If a problem can be solved, 

what reason is there to be upset?  

If there is no possible solution, 

what use is there in being sad?"

RJ LoPresti
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